I Don’t Know Who I Am Anymore
This was how I was feeling towards the end of 2016. Something was not right. I had been making my papercuts for many years but they just weren’t working for me in the same way as before. I wasn’t feeling inspired to make new work. I really couldn’t see a way forward.
For some time I’d been experimenting with new materials and ideas and non of those were really working either.
I became obsessed with making wooden masks, but when I’d made them somehow they really didn’t work. I had them hung on the wall all around my living room. My boyfriend and I would talk about them a lot, but I was already bored of them.
To create them I had to spend hours on the computer making drawings that I could send to be laser cut. That really took the joy out of them.
All the time I was also thinking about making collage/paintings. There was the voice in my head say what about that, give that a try.
For a while I’d been collecting images of women from magazines, some of them I’d been sticking in sketch books in groups. It always felt like a secret, something that I couldn’t share, private thoughts not proper art (whatever that means).
But that voice was getting louder and louder, so I started making the works, started painting again. And if felt like home. It felt for the first time in a while like the place I wanted to be.
I literally sit doing happy dances as I paint. I get so excited.
This piece here, I Don’t Know Who I Am Any More is about that feeling. On the outside I looked the same, inscrutable, wearing a mask of normality, but on the inside there was so much going on.
I reached a point where I couldn’t contain it anymore. And so my new work was born.
I’m still figuring out the new me, and really enjoying the process. I dance with joy on the way to my studio eager to get back to the paints and collage.
Change came upon me by stealth but once I embraced it there was no going back.